I received an email today that began with a question:

Are you looking to fast track your degree?

What does that mean? I had to look it up

“fast track”

a rapid means of achieving a goal; “they saw independence as the fast track to democracy”; “he took a fast track to the top of the corporate …

Ah no thanks, I’m quite happy with the pace that my degree is going.

“Fast track” isn’t a colloquially used term. You’ll never find two friends talking to each other asking, “hey you wanna fast track…”, or “dude, are you going to fast track that or what?” It probably came straight out of a corporate ‘vision statement’ brainstorming session, so it sounds foreign to us.

Emails that open with a question are intended to provoke a “yes” answer, but in most cases, it sounds more like annoying marketing speak. Not the good kind of marketing speak. The good kind of marketing speak sounds authentic, like a recommendation from a friend–someone you can trust. No, this is a failed attempt at marketing because it emulates the bad kind of marketing. The bad kind of marketing is the stereotype we have of marketing and sales people. The scheming, lying, dishonest, blood sucking, scum filled rodents in this service oriented economy. They’re the people who send you spam, the people who are trying to sell you drugs that you don’t want, the people who pretend to be your friend at school and abandon you when you needed them, the people who made your baby cry.

Why do emails that start with questions like this trigger such strong emotions of distrust? Maybe it’s because we’re exposed to far too much of this from spam and advertising. “Are you looking for the perfect vacation”, “what are you waiting for?”, “feeling depressed?”, “are you ready to get back to school?”. As a result, we’ve instinctively learned to respond with “No, and go away!”

Another reason that emails like this provoke these feelings might be that the sender didn’t have permission to ask. They’re questions that require you to think and make a decision. Some of them are personal, and they’re not the kind of questions that you would ask someone during the first meeting. Subconsciously your mind is saying “how dare you ask me that, I barely know you!”. Asking a personal question first without an introduction is a bad way to greet someone. Asking, “what time is it?” to a stranger is ok because it has a factual answer, and the person asking really wants to know. Your answering it is helping some else. Helping others is a good feeling. Even then, that question is usually proceeded by a request for permission ”excuse me, what time is it?”. On the other hand, a personal question, even one like “How are  you?”, feels intrusive when it’s asked by a stranger. It provokes the response, “who are you to care?”, and in the context of a spam message, a positive response to it is like an invitation for more spam. Most people don’t like that.

A much better way to send that email would have been to use a more human greeting.

Hi Charles,

I’m from [blah] and we’re doing [this]. It might be interesting to you because you’re a computing student. etc etc..

There. That wasn’t so hard was it? It’s much more authentic, like a greeting from a real human, not a marketing drone.